This week I realized that I’m really starting to embrace who I really am in the present as opposed to being fixated on the past or future. Now why is that? Some of you may be asking.
Well to be honest it has everything to do with the work I’ve been doing for the past 10 years practically! Now granted I didn’t know anything about CPTSD until a little over a year ago, and I didn’t even know about the complexities of narcissism until about four years ago! But man oh man have I been making progress!!!
Basically I’ve been socializing with more people, even strangers! What’s even better is that I no longer rely on their approval or disapproval because I have the confidence to recognize the fact that I’m not a strange animal outcast wandering the streets in hopes of finding a connection. I.e. I’m comfortable with the fact I make mistakes because everyone else does, but also that I know I can learn from them in order to continue growing and expanding.
Negative thoughts? Well those are like Mosquitoes nowadays because I don’t even have to break a sweat in terms of rejecting them outright while simultaneously accepting empowering thought forms. I.e. I understand my life has more value, and thus everyone around me is included in that frame of mind to the point that petty judgments are thrown out with the trash where they belong.
This in turn means that I’ve been spending more time empowering myself and others with positive thought forms, regardless of whether or not those beyond me are present. The result? Well it’s allowed me to approach more people, forgive (let go) of grievances formed from others dropping the ball (then again not having toxic people around HELPS A TON in that department), or just letting go of annoyances in general because I know they rob me of my ability to enjoy the present.
Plus, I’ve been able to BREATHE a lot more as a result from meditating regularly, watching my diet closer to ensure I’m not overeating (even eating too much of a good thing can be bad) or eating foods that don’t upset my system, and having peaceful dreams that don’t involve me having to combat my estranged family members…
In other words, I’ve been learning to embrace a deeper sense of peace with myself and thus with those around me. That girl from the local library I awkwardly danced around? I learned her first name and even got a smile out of her when I told her mine! Now I planned on doing an entire apologizing bit, although her positive reaction made me realize that simply NOT acting indifferent to her presence was enough to fill her with a degree of happiness.
I even had a full on conversation with a girl I didn’t know at my pool the other day! That’s a biggie for me because I used to be terrified of women (biomom was a malignant narcissist – that should sum it up pretty well), and I used to be satisfied with spending my time rescuing bugs from the water as opposed to interacting with my fellow humans. Although I still save bugs!
Breaking patterns as I go…
So what’s the point I want to drive home with today’s post (which is shorter than what I typically throw up)? If I can break patterns of maladaptive behavior and cognitive thinking, then so CAN you!!!
Ladies and Gents, the Pursuit of Happiness
“Everything that shine aint always gonna be gold, but eh I’ll be fine once I get it. I’ll be good…”
Featured Image: Tumblr